“To All My Democrat Friends:
Please accept with no obligation, expressed or implied, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2018, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. This is, of course, neither to suggest nor imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country; also, this is not to imply that “America,” as noted herein, is the only America in the Western Hemisphere. May these heartfelt wishes be received with equal intensity regardless of distribution of individual wealth, documented carbon footprint, or perceived social privilege among the wishes addressed herein. This wish is made without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, or sexual preference of the wishee.
To All My Republican Friends:
Wishing you all a Merry Christmas and a Happy and Prosperous New Year!”